this is for you

Words.

For once i felt that Words, even words cannot express how i truly feel inside.

My words can't express how truly sorry I am how things have turned out and how I just hate how suddenly things just became the way they were. Because words, have failed me in convincing you.


I know. I promised. But, I lied. I care about you too much.

What magic did you put on me to have held me in your grasp for the last almost 2 years?

I know you r not mine and i, from what I see now, hold not of any significance importance to you.

I know that I have said I will let you be. But its killing me inside. That everytime I see you popping up or just seeing you listed under online, the urge is so hard to fight. To stop myself from chatting with you. When it used to be, talking to you makes my entire day go right.

Now you are not there to encourage me.

And yet I think back of when your words have helped me through one of the toughest time I have faced.

Yes, Words have failed me so badly this time.

What can I say?

I miss you so much and still missing you.

Despite the fact that you are so many miles away from me.

I know that I am materialistic in many ways but that is a part of me that many people don't understand me.

Wealth my dear, is indeed something I am after. But it is something, I want to be truly mine.
It is what I want to say as something I have possessed by my own hands. What is yours, really I do not want it.

Which truly that part of me being materialistic, is someone who has a reputation to match with. I am more complicated that people think, and even those who knows me so well, never truly know everything about me.

If there is something that I am rather good at, is to hide my emotions.

No, I think I will rephrase that because that first week not only it was hell for me but I was so moody it became hell for many too.

I have supressed my feelings so much in the last years that nowadays I feel like...

I no longer really feel.

At every consience I tell myself that its nothing but the last few weeks,

in the silence of my own solitude I am making good frens with mr alcohol.

courtesy of mr daddy

Mr alcohol told me I should cry and he reminded me of some feelings I can't feel when he is not accompanying me.

But what I want is to make friends with mr alcohol and be happy.

And sorry would not even justify it that I could not be by your side or at the very least be emotionally there when I found out you were involded in an accident. And to find out 2 days later just because we are in a fight.

I hope you get well soon.

You are always in mind. Always there always will be.

I am, waiting for you to forgive me.

I am sorry.