cause things are just the way they are

and soon the time would come

2009-05-25T01:55:00.004+02:00

Walk Away - High School Musical 3

I guess I should've known better
to believe that my luck could change
(luck could change) ooo
I let my heart and forever
Finally learn each others names
(each others name)
I tell myself this time
it's different
no goodbyes cuz I
can't bear to say it
I'll never survive
the one that's coming
if I stay, oh no

[Chorus:]
Just walk away ooh
and don't look back
cause if my heart breaks it's gonna
hurt so bad
you know I'm strong
but I can't take that
before it's too late
ooh just walk away

walk, walk, walk away,
ooh just walk away
walk, walk, walk away

I really wish I could blame you
But I know that it's no ones fault
(no one) no no no no ooh

A Cinderella with no shoe
and a prince that doesn't know he's lost
(know he's lost)
This emptiness feels so familiar
Each goodbye with just the same old song
But this time I will not surrender
Cause I'm gone
Oooh yeah!

[Chorus:]
Just walk away ooh
and don't look back
cause if my heart breaks it's gonna
hurt so bad
you know I'm strong
but I can't take that
before it's too late
ooh just walk away

walk, walk, walk away,
ooh just walk away
walk, walk, walk away
(whoooa)
just walk away

I've got to let it go
(ooh)
start protecting
my heart and soul
Cause I don't think I'll survive
A goodbye again
Not again!

[Chorus:]
Just walk away ooh
and don't look back
cause if my heart breaks it's gonna
hurt so bad
you know I'm strong
but I can't take that
before it's too late
(oooh before it's too late)
ooh just walk away

Walk Walk walk away
Oooh just walk away
walk walk walk away
walk away walk away
oooooh yeahhh

Soon, we shall all take different paths and have very different lives that would seperate us no matter how hard we try. I shall miss the good and the bad times we had together. I will miss you so.

and another year goes by

2008-12-30T16:32:00.031+01:00

2008.

The one year in my life that as much as all the old things in my life has stayed,
it has been the most life altering/developing/learning year i think i have possibly developed in my entire 21 years.

I spend 2008 new years working. In the Swiss alps. In not the best experience ever i would say.
The internship that questioned my personal capabilities, my life choice, my mentality, my career choice and the internship that has made me cried in silent and to my parents so many times.

The Swiss Alps

but just as much, it taught me to be faster with my work, more responsibility, to keep it cool and the most.. is to have confidence in my own capabilities. and in the midst of darkness there r always kind souls that would look up at you and recognise what you can do. For this, Thank you Chef Eric. You rock and also gave me a reason to keep fighting.

As one part of internship ends, another begins and my life in Spain begins on the 2nd of April 2008 for another three months internship. I braved a foreign unknown country I have never visited, know nothing about the language and know nobody.

Paella is yummy!

But i learn. I made it feel like home. Shone and did well in my job. Met nice people. Learn some spanish. and daddy visited me. And it makes me happy to see my daddy proud of me, proud of the person I have become. Because he sees that I've grown up.

But I think the most comforting thing is that he could see,
I am not afraid to be alone anymore. Learning to love only your own company is not something anyone can just learn.

Not like my own definition of who I was before. I told mummy i'm like a fried tofu.
Hard on the Outside! soft on the inside.

tofu

Its not a road that everyone wants to walk down or have the chance or a road that can be handled by all. But the results at the end of it, its fulfilling.

I've learned how to travel on my own. And not be afraid. Of course its different but its more carefree all the same.

I explored Madrid all on my own. I lived there for three months. I took my time. And brought my daddy around too after.

Ventas, the bullfighting ring

Trying to look like a matador

Palacio de Madrid

On a random four days off I decided to hit Barcelona. Bought an airticket. My first trip on my own for real. I did my research and I covered Barcelona pretty well if I would say so!

Font de Montjuic

La Rambla

Sagrada Familia

In 2008 I also hit London, Dublin and Rome.

Not that many but still quite a number. =D

London all on my own, I met up w Jessie in Dublin and Rome was with a bunch of uni frens.

Bottomline. AWESOME.

I covered almost all the hot tourist spots in London in 2 days. And even managed time for shopping.

The Big Ben

Buckingham Palace

The Best musical ever. Avenue Q.

I'm going to Hogwarts!

and Dublin City. I wished I could have seen more of the Ireland that Ireland has to offer.

Trinity College

What you must not miss in Ireland

And the other irish famous thing!

and to Rome! Italy, the country I've always wanted to visit.. It was a fun trip but its sad to say Rome was not as fantastic as I expected. Nevertheless, I somehow became a tour guide, managed to get all my friends to cover many spots in Rome. We just spend abit too much on the food. -.-"

The colosseum

The famous Trevi Fountain

The Vatican City

and the attempt to meet the pope

I made plenty of new friends this semester which made it so different from the previous one. This was so much more enjoyable.

Friends

I learned to be more carefree. Loving. expressive. Independent.

and I finally came back home to Malaysia after 1 year and 4 months.

Thats where my country is!

See my family again. ♥

Of course 2008 wasn't all the cherry and lovely.

I had my heartbreaks.

Cried so many times on my own.

Kept trying to salvage relationships that has a blurred future.

Having to have not one but two "open relationships" was apparently the situation I have put myself in.

And when it hurts so bad to hear that you are currently perhaps in the situation that seems like you are goin to see someone (i'm not tryin to make it complicated that was kinda how he seems to hv told me). But i'm happy that we got over that part. But sad that fate has been very unfair to us. constantly. =( I don't think I've to tell you, but u know it yourself that u are so very dear to me. For you, I still have yet to find the strength to give up that hope. Not just yet.

But as the year draws close,

I've decided that one of the two of you has been my biggest dissapointment yet. I don't need any words from you. Your actions are clear enough. I've had enough for real. This time is goodbye. And anyway after this I do not know when I will ever be back again to Malaysia. So much for your words of missing me and I'm back for short 6 weeks so far I've meet you only 3 times. But I'm not going to feel sorry that I've wasted time because just like a line i've read before,

"time we enjoy wasting is not wasted"

Well not everything was all that enjoyable but we have apparently felt like we had good memories together. There was the past but now its time to move on.

I guess now i'm down to one. Easier to think.

2008 changed my life. It started with a heartbreaking time. And boy, does it end on the same note. Only for different reasons.

Welcome 2009. It would be I can see another challenging year.

2009. the year of..

Graduation.

Out into the working world.

Watch out 2009!!

Happy new year everyone!

"the distance does not make much difference"

2008-12-14T18:34:00.003+01:00

.
.
.
6 odd minutes away,
6 odd hours away,
6000 odd miles away,
does not seem to make much difference.

You are still so far away from me.

I've to stop waiting for those who aren't waiting. Stop trying so hard for those who doesn't seem to really care. And stop believing in empty promises that are given out so easily and forgotten.

I don't want to be needing you anymore.

I need change.

"With all these technologies writing will soon be an art"

2008-12-07T18:21:00.002+01:00

exams are finally over and i'm finally finally back home in my beloved country, Malaysia!!

"No wonder the fridge doesn't feel cold, its less than 0°c outside"

2008-11-26T17:33:00.006+01:00

winter in Swiss is already here.... everything is frozen.. and so is my heart..

Why you need an iPhone

2008-08-23T15:16:00.003+02:00

I think every student at least say this line to themselves once a day. Or at least if you are a student like me...

Omg wat is this guy/gal talking about? i've absolutely no clue.. SO BORING..!!!

I wish i could be online/chatting/watchin telly/eating/sleeping...

Now have no fear with iPhone...

you can have entertainment in class w/o the lecturer noticing..

First,

sit on a table with covered front.. so lecturer can't see under the table..

Put notes angled (towards left or right)

Hold pen diligently like you are going to take notes anything.

Sit at an angle following yr notebook.

Place iPhone on lap.

Play video on iPhone (pls no volume unless u hv very long hair hide earphones behind u)

Now position like u r reading yr notes and enjoy videos in class while lecturer bores u!

Pls refer to illustration below for reference..

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.
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.
.
.
.
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backstabbing

2008-06-23T00:49:00.007+02:00

OMG!!!

I didn't know backstabbing is so much fun can!! stab stab stab.. stab stab.. yYEEAAHHH!!!!!!
*\^O^/*!!!

I'm not a sports person much. My definition of sports is dancing and walking around shopping/to work.

come on, I only watch football once every four years.. yes u guessed it.. during world cup lor.. but I might watch euro 2008 finals la since right that day during the quarter finals (spain n italy i think) i'm sittin nicely n happily watchin a jap drama on my earphones.. earphones ok??

well ok i left my window open but thats besides the point.. i think the whole of madrid just screamed at the same moment.. i can hear lor these crazy people screamin from dunno how many blocks away even though i'm watchin the show w my earphones.. no need watch tv also know who won..

but anyway back to my point.. I think i found a sports i rather like lor..

somemore its one of the world's most cruel sports...

niabeh kamzing thinks she likes bullfighting can!!

WAH SO EXCITING!! I.... WANNA watch aGAIN!

before the stabbing starts..

when they let the bull out at first its like super excited like that so hyper.. then it prance around charging at the stupid waving cloth.. (its colour blind la ok so red is to tipu u wan..)

nyeh nyeh nyeh.. hide behind this wall u cannot see me..!

then it prance prance prance w a few ppl irritatin it w the cloth... so the bull gets kinda tired.. then these 2 dudes on horses comes out w a spear thingy.. n.. they STAB IT ON DA BACk!!

actually i felt more pity for the damn horse than the bull..

I'M NOT MEAN LA OK? (although i like this sport i think god just noted a whole page on my evilness liao..)

hey the horse kena blind folded lor k? then sure everytime the bull come chargin (so that the guy on the horse can backstab it) the horse kena DUSH on the side.. then the bull keep raming into it.. dush dush dush!!! but got protection la ok... play safe wan these ppl.. but still ah.. imagine i farkin blind fold u then i put u in the center n shove u around wat will u think??

niabeh wat these ppl doing to mee.. weiiiii sakitnya cibai wat this stupid thingy keep banging me on the side?!?!!

horse: wat happen wat happen??

anyway bullfightin is more than just an idiot wavin the red cloth at the bull ya..

so its goes on after a while the horse ppl leave then the kelefes (sidekick ppl la..) take this... thingy i dunno wat.. then they stick it on the bull's back.. see backstab again.. oohhh..
then u see the wonderful nice bathe of crimson from the bull's back... waaahhhh ss seh..

fat bull...!

so finally after all the stab stab so they bull is weaken already from the blood loss the fighter come out.. wave wave more.. the closer the bull the more syok it is la.. wwoooo!!! hampir mampus the fighter i think lagi syok.. so anyway long long story cut short finally the fighter think he weak enuh then he take his sword thingy.... nnnnnnn sSSSSSSTTTTAAAABBBBB!!!!!

right down the neck into the heart..!

MAMPUS DIA MAMPPUUSSS!!!

kua kua kua!! mampused u see?

actually the ending quite evil la.. when the bull dushed on the floor already one of the kelefes will take a.. dagger i think.. stab stab the head.. then he like korek korek the head w the dagger.. (WTF KAM SUMMORE SAY U LIKE AH??)

tthheenn come la the ending part the bunch of ... donkeys i think come out.. hook the bull w a string to the bunch (3) donkeys then kena drag out to be.. ( i dunno la be wat.. mince meat myb? or daddy said got bull ball soup.. hahahaa) anyway end of story la..

okie tonight got bull ball soup!

*CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!!****

happy spectator of mass murders..

It was a total of 6 rounds all together..

3 competitors each person 2 rounds.. in the start the stadium was so packed!!

their seats are like.. well.. its not seats really its liks cement stairs style if u get my drift..

oh i felt like a sardine in the canning proccess.. SO HOT LOR.. summore so tight!!

and I felt really really annoyed I almost wanted to shout at this girl behind me..

Annoying girl: Omg thats not fair..! its like 5 against 1 bull..

Assumingly the boyfriend: something something

after 5 minutes

Annoying girl: why don't they take the things out from the back?? its bleeding so much!! blabalalablablaa

OMg look at that!! so unfair thats not fair play!!

omg this omg that omg this omg that..

EH KNN!!

take wat out wat wat fair now ha?? the motive is to bloody murder the kerbau ok??

sibeh tulan she so noisy complain this complain that so much blood.. cannot tahan dun see la..

thank god she left after the 3rd or 4th round... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

anyway after like the 2 or 3rd round more n more people left I could sit like a sardine out of the can.. ahhh can cross my legs summore after that...

well if you are those who r like me w wire loose u should watch bullfightin!! ahahhaah

(i'm not the only one alright?? got this aunty sit behind me hair in bun and dress like those ah soh that will spank u if u said a bad word.. she say ITS SO FUN!)

so i'm not commiting a sin. ahhaha.

cheerio!

this is for you

2008-06-18T23:27:00.006+02:00

Words.

For once i felt that Words, even words cannot express how i truly feel inside.

My words can't express how truly sorry I am how things have turned out and how I just hate how suddenly things just became the way they were. Because words, have failed me in convincing you.

I know. I promised. But, I lied. I care about you too much.

What magic did you put on me to have held me in your grasp for the last almost 2 years?

I know you r not mine and i, from what I see now, hold not of any significance importance to you.

I know that I have said I will let you be. But its killing me inside. That everytime I see you popping up or just seeing you listed under online, the urge is so hard to fight. To stop myself from chatting with you. When it used to be, talking to you makes my entire day go right.

Now you are not there to encourage me.

And yet I think back of when your words have helped me through one of the toughest time I have faced.

Yes, Words have failed me so badly this time.

What can I say?

I miss you so much and still missing you.

Despite the fact that you are so many miles away from me.

I know that I am materialistic in many ways but that is a part of me that many people don't understand me.

Wealth my dear, is indeed something I am after. But it is something, I want to be truly mine.
It is what I want to say as something I have possessed by my own hands. What is yours, really I do not want it.

Which truly that part of me being materialistic, is someone who has a reputation to match with. I am more complicated that people think, and even those who knows me so well, never truly know everything about me.

If there is something that I am rather good at, is to hide my emotions.

No, I think I will rephrase that because that first week not only it was hell for me but I was so moody it became hell for many too.

I have supressed my feelings so much in the last years that nowadays I feel like...

I no longer really feel.

At every consience I tell myself that its nothing but the last few weeks,

in the silence of my own solitude I am making good frens with mr alcohol.

courtesy of mr daddy

Mr alcohol told me I should cry and he reminded me of some feelings I can't feel when he is not accompanying me.

But what I want is to make friends with mr alcohol and be happy.

And sorry would not even justify it that I could not be by your side or at the very least be emotionally there when I found out you were involded in an accident. And to find out 2 days later just because we are in a fight.

I hope you get well soon.

You are always in mind. Always there always will be.

I am, waiting for you to forgive me.

I am sorry.

boring boring boring

2008-05-30T12:18:00.003+02:00

I guess i've not updated in awhile..

Well i'm sorry my life have been anything but interesting in awhile..

all i do is wake up eat go to work come back eat sleep and... START AGAIN!!!

I have thought about it that I will actually still blog in tabulas when i have something emo to blog about... WHICH i do... so i will update the tabulas blog soonish!

www.tabulas.com/~ckamz

P.s. I hit barcelona bout a week plus ago. Shit loads of photos in facebook u can look at them. BUt honestly that was like only half of it.

Was there for like 3 days.. but the photos are mostly from the 1st and 2nd day and i took a total of 346 pics. Not too bad no?? I WAS alone... so nobody to talk to then.. take pics la!

cherrio! perhaps i'll write bout my barcelona trip soonish which did not WOW me the way i wanted it to.. quite disappointed ley...

classic case

2008-05-10T21:34:00.008+02:00

Sorry but i gotta tell u its not the guy.

You can't see his face anyway but as i remembered he wasn't all that bad looking kind of guy.

But i already forgot wat he looked like so mustn't be that great.

Nah its just a classic case of kamzing.

Sorry its the dog.

SO CUTE~~

Just like my beloved gary-chan!!

GARY LOVE~!

My best friend told me gosh u can spot a dog faster than u spot a cute guy! WHATS WRONG W U?

Something wrong meh i love dogs ma they r just so SO SO SO CUTE. And I see them everywhere now ppl here love their fluffedtail friend so much.

I missy my stink mutts too.

Willy old man!!

On the other hand,

OH YES I will buy dolce and gabbana!! Does that come with my purchase? Cause i want that. OH!.

Btw.. any comments?

Feel like perming my hair but I think I will look more aunty.. =((
But this is just experimenting.. hehehe.. do let me know..

** IF I KNOW AUNTY.. DOn't say it I will personally come kick your A*ss.
Just say OK LLAARRR..

hahahahaa!

hello, my name is..

2008-04-28T16:37:00.014+02:00

Hello everyone.

My name is Chan Kam Zing.

I will be turning 21 in november which i tell people when they ask and then reminded them i'm still 20 but i will be 21.

So right now i'm in europe where i think people who actually knows my surname is chan and not zing are a rare few.

I'm sorry which is your name and your surname? oh like this.. erm ok..

And since I came here people don't send mails to me by Chan Kam Zing.

Oh no that doesn't happen anymore. Now i'm Kam Zing Chan.

stupid

I HATE IT.

HEI U DUN HEAR ME ASKING U THAT RIGHT? ASIA SO BIG LEARN IT U IGNORANT PEOPLE.

Do u hear me calling u the other way round? like hello mr. beckam david. sorry here in asia we call ppl by the surname first. oh hello jolie angelina. oh timberlake justin. ppfftttt.

of course i din say that because they dun understand me. haha.

And also I took the liberty of dropping of names so you don't hv to call me kam zing cause i'm sure they will be like wat wat sorry wat is your name??

So i say u can call me kam.

KAM.
K-A-M. Spells Kam.

HELLO EVERYBODY MY NAME IS KAM. its a K and an A and an M.

in phonetics u write it as k/a:/m

thanks elaine i know u love me too much

but hor apparently kam also is too hard for some people to remember.

actually not only here even in Malaysia its the same.

they like to call me kim. ah kim ah. eh hello i told u my name is kam u call me kim for wat?

kimball is it now?

how bout kimchi?

got one very nice.. she is hokkien ma so should call her kim la.

ah soh i'm am up down left right inside out back front 100% cantonese mui.

And it is such a coincidence that the ancestors of BOTH my parents even come from the same kampung in chinaland.

I'm a nam hoi mui.

chinaland is my origin.. i wanted to find for the nam hoi logo but obviously i could not find it because those old people r too low tech for internet.. their latest invention was still probably the television and telephone.. ok and handphone..

nah i'm from malaysia where we always try to outdo ourselves. I'm malaysian.

so no i'm not hokkien and my name is kam.

then when i'm here there are those who took to calling me kan.

KAN KAN KAN KANINIA i don't rape people ok stop calling me that.

see no rape

KAN u then u know.

or like talking malay.. kan aku cakap macam tu.. kan kan??

damn annoying lor.. its so easy ma.. already can say oh it sounds like come! or.. cum!

then....?

shang days..

then there r those people after knowing me for years they still have the guts to call me..

CAM~~ how r u???

eh.. first day i know u is it? msn also so big there cKaMz u dunno how to read? tulan only..

i think u call me kambing or ask me to, "kam zing, come sing!" also i dun feel so wat.

lalala i'm a pro at singing k..

hmph.

so ya anyway my name is kam. please remember that.

No don't ask I'm not getting an english name if kam u cannot remember then u have a problem wat more wanna get some funky english name.

cKaMz's 10 ways to self confidence

2008-04-24T15:35:00.014+02:00

1. Am always the best.
and when u fail its not your fault it has to be somebody's fault because they screwed it up for u.

2. Always think pretty.
When it is in yr head u already win half the game ma right?? well unless u really don't look pretty like.. when u r in the catergory of beyond saving.. thats.. not my fault.. blame someone else.. (refer to 1).

3. Befriend everybody but do not just be everybody's friend.
I'm not lansi kay but its true.. I'm very atasan wan ok not fren w every mary jack jane peter wat wat so on.. if u just walk into the bar/pub/club and ooohh harlo harlo! oh kissy for u! oh who u ah? i also wan fren u! wah u also my fren my fren! Gone la like so desperate only... Be friendly not desperate lor ok.. like some ppl i know.. so friendly w the grocery shop woman i thought her wat fren then she say met in the club.. omg so random..

4. Be mysterious
Thats when people want to know more about you and when u have your own secrets.. its more intriguing.. Or like me la when ppl think i'm so innocent.. oh why i just let them believe.. but then inside i'm like hahahahah this person dunno me yet judging me.. just wait and let me surprise u..

5. Am not fat
I'm cute lor ok.. those extra thing u see around me is just a fragment of your imagination. Beauty is skin deep.. but just incase u need some fat transplant I think I can spare some la so tell me ok? hahhahahaa!

6. I can cook just not for you.
I CAN seriously! wait let me practice a few more times so that u can praise me at the first try without actually pretending that you like it.. wait just wait.. u slowly wait for the day to come..

oh my loves! *mushrooms!*

nasi goreng my version..

7. Guy issues
Nothing wrong w me la ok i got no boyfriend.. i'm pretty i'm funny i'm crazy i'm nice i'm sweet i'm (insert all good things possible for a person). Its not my fault that the ~~cute/hot/to die for~~ guys are blind. And is not my fault that some guys get that "look" from me. Hello u know where u stand don't ask me why that u and me r single and its a good idea we get together. Don't ask me why u won't be able to handle the truth that if u r the last guy around I wouldn't even say yes.

8. I'm a genius!
Think smart then You will be confident enough to at least achieve some things! also thanks to genes thank u mummy daddy for my brilliant brains. HAHAHAHA. This is how la i convince myself that i'm smart. Please do not look at my result sheet. Its not that bad la just not as good as the way i claim. HAHA.

9. Everyone loves me.
Come on u do right?? tell me la u love me i know u do but sometimes i also like to be reminded wan u knoe.. if u don't love me please don't tell me i probably already know because i would probably hate u.

10. Be natural
I'm me la ok? don't like then its your problem. But then again if u don't like me then u must have not know me very well yet cause i know i am so lovable! hahahaha!! (refer to 9)

I'm patriotic kay..

This is all a fragment of my magnificent imagination any pain or trouble caused is your fault for following please do not ask me unless u would like to praise me for my briliancy.

haha.

coincidences and the language barrier

2008-04-12T10:59:00.000+02:00

sometimes i come across such signboards and i just laugh my ass off at it or it is just too cute/funny..

won't deny sometimes ppl look at me like i'm insane laughing for no good reason..

well what can i say when i see things like this in a botanical garden in spain..

I don't think it looks like a pasar to u right.. hohoho..

or this.. cinta is to the left? OK I'M COMING!!
spanish are such loving ppl arrive in the airport only they tell me where to find for love.. summore i got selection 1 to 6..
but too bad la turns out I only found my bags..

or this sign in cameron highlands.. sorry did get a good pic was in the car..
but everytime i went by it i laugh.. self plucking strawberries?!?!!
wei damn high tech now the science the strawberries can pick themselves off the plant..!

or this spanish tea brand... wah.. later yr guy frens drink this.. better dun get so close incase something happen..
see ma the brand.. hornY mans.. sounds very close to something else doesn't it..
i can't believe i have to serve this tea brand for the next 3 months to the guests.. HAHAHA..!

Oh or this sign in singapore.. I totally love it.. I should live on this road.. very ngam me..

poor doggies in spain.. wat did he ever do to you??!!?

in front of the guy's changing room in some shop in m'sia..
HAHAHAHAHA... sorry i got very corrupted thinking so maybe you will get what i'm laughing at..

But I think of all the funniest things this is one of it.. i can't tell you exactly where it is cause i'm not sure.. its the corner going towards pudu bus station.. and this is in front of the maybank which looks like an orange juice carton.. see their ingenious advert that is a mirror so they will reflect everyone who walk by?

it says.. "our most important customer. You"

alamak.. their most important customer is the tong sampah by the curb.. poor maybank..

moving homes

2008-04-12T00:21:00.000+02:00

I'm going to be blogging from here now on!

byebye tabulas bloggie.. www.tabulas.com/~ckamz

lets just i will be more hardworking from now on.. hehe..